The Day I Became a Mother

I was going back and forth on writing down everything that has been going through my head after hearing the unfortunate news that baby number two wasn't going to make it. The devastating news took me into a downward spiral and one of the most helpful things I have found to help me keep moving forward was talking about it.

I know that society has this kind of thing super hush hush, but the moment a fellow angel mom reached out to me; everything changed. I felt the sadness and the heavy weight I'd been carrying on begin to lesson. Not that I didn't want to grieve the loss of my baby, but I didn't want to live in this depression state as my new normal.

After that conversation and several others with fellow angel moms, I found myself grabbing my computer and using this blog as my way of "talking" about it all or talking through it all if you will.

So I felt it was necessary we start at the beginning; the day I became a mother. 

After losing my grandma Darlene and grandpa Laverne months apart in May/June, we just found ourselves thinking about how short life was after losing loved ones and agreed we start our own family. A few short days after my 30th birthday (July 17th) I found myself buying a pregnancy test to confirm that the late period would either be coming soon or not at all. 

I walked into the local Dollar General like a secret agent that day. I wandered around buying other things as I made my way to the pregnancy tests. Something about someone else seeing me buy the test just made me feel judged. Looking back at it now, I have NO idea why. I mean I was married, 30 and well established; nonetheless I was super hush hush about it. 

I was off to Hobby Lobby for the mid morning shopping trip and told myself I'd pee on the stick the following morning. As I arrived at the store, something in me thought--if you're not pregnant at 10am then you're more than likely not at 7am tomorrow morning. So, I grabbed the test and went into the store.

I headed straight to the back to the bathroom and well, you know. As I watched the test progress I felt myself shaking. I mean, I couldn't be pregnant already right? Then I flipped it over and BOOM; not 1 but 2 dark lines. PREGNANT.

Needless to say, I didn't walk around Hobby Lobby but I danced through the aisles like I won the lottery. I didn't buy a single thing I went in for except a sign to give my husband to share the news. 

Yup, thats how I found out I was going to be a mother. Finding out in Hobby Lobby.. nothing says ME like learning I'm going to be a mom in the store that I spent much of my time and money haha.

I know some people say you're not a "mom" until you give birth but not this girl. I believe you are a mom the second you find out you are pregnant, heart beat or not. It changes you. Looking back at that day, I have never been the same. 

I bet you can vividly remember the first time you found out you too would be a mom, am I right? It is literally the best gift you can be given. 

I wouldn't be so grateful for this "quick" pregnancy until we started trying for our second baby, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Now that we are better acquainted, you know I'm a bargain + home decor obsessive shopper now turned mama, we can start in on the next chapter.